setting in

I cant seem to make things right,  nor make them seem anything near correct... i fucking hate how things are going.., what say i want to go out and have a goddamn life? am i wrong for that?? i seem to be hurting everyone around me.. and i don't seem to get why,,,

ups and downs

  Reality set in today.

  I realize i have done some crappy things, people know. And i know.

  I am so ready to get this school paperwork finalized.. I can't seem to get through to anyone about it; My character has gone to shit apparantly. I thought this would be the time to change, seems if I was yet again wrong,
 I am still working and working, getting more the hang of it and making better sales. Still not enough money.

    I need schooling, and want it. And i want more friends. I miss you guys in texas.

Little eva is sick along with her mommy.. I can't do anything from here..


 Back to this, home life is pretty boring, i feel i should be able to go out and have a good time..

  I really hate songs that make you think back on what you can never have back in your life again...

a belief.

You loved it when my heart dropped, paused, stopped, and walked awayfull of content that it went your way
these cuts that i've caused are never to deep to heal peel back the bandage, see a scar from countless careless thingsfeel yourself drifting, pulled awaywell nothing feels real anymorei'm not taking my time anymoreto show you how i feelto show you who i am
cause it's locked away

we all need to find our way
cut the loss, just walk away

A kiss of shame tempts me to question love.
Her sweet taste kills all beauty.
Eyes of a goddess, I fall prison to.
A heart of a fool oh I've been cursed.

A Goddess of love,
She imprisons me.

So take my, take my hand.

I wont forget.

Her skin is crawling with regret the feeling of nothing,
Is this, all she ever wanted?

Her dress flows red, shimmering,
Reflections of the damned, cast upon these walls.
They scream for salvation.

and so this is it

I have come to conclude that all means well.

     I wish that things could be different in my life, i want things to be something more than they are. I keep trying to find what that or if that is possible. Should i be looking? or thinking?

  I have been told that i should just watch and wait. Look towards the the light, the time will come.


 I hate this feeling of being left behind, is this really real? Nothing feels real anymore. the time has no place in here.

   I'm ready for something real, ive been waiting on something real, to show how i feel. This has yet to come, has yet to overcome me. Did you ever feel i could get this way? We can all make mistakes, and ill show you, show you the ending, of how i really feel. Just look towards the light.


   Do not judge me, don't sit there with your words of  hate. i do not pass my judgement on you.

 fuck the past start living now. Most of you cannot justify this. Why shoud i be the only one?  I want so much more. And i expect so much less. There in lies the problem.